stigma_vastu
Anastasia
"If someone is aggressive and pushing people away, maybe this person just feels a lot of pain inside them"
Anastasia was in abusive relationship for year and a half. She wanted to leave, but could do it only with the help of a therapist. She started to feel better, her life was improving, she stopped communication with her former partner.
But a moth later she found out that her former partner died.
During the relationship the guy was saying that he was going to die young. Anastasia never got to know the circumstances of his death, but people around blamed her for his suicide.
“At some point I started believing in it myself, th day before funeral I had a dream where I was lying down in coffin with him. I was saying that he'll take me with him, won't let me live because I'm guilty. I was ready to die."
At the funeral Anastasia came to the deceased’s mother and offered her support, but as a response she got only “God is to judge you”. Friends and other family members were asking “What the hell do you want here?” and Anastasia was sure till the end that he is alive and everyone else is just goofing on her. Later she was thinking “Would they feel better if I died?”
Almost all the time Anastasia was surviving her grief period at work of driving a car. 2 or 3 work shifts in a restaurant were distracting her from real life outside work. The next day after getting the news about the death of her partner she casually showed up at work, but she was crying without even noticing it and couldn’t stop. Colleagues were understanding and let her have a rest
Anastasia got help from her friend who was calling her out and sometimes just offered her his own car saying “I’ll have a drink and you’ll have a ride”. She was driving and therefore couldn’t have alcohol and her friend on the passenger seat was a good listener.
Anastasia doesn’t find general words of support any helpful. Many people were giving their standard sorry, but, she says, support mans something when it comes from ones who are close to you, know you and your situation.
It’s been more than a year since the events, but she couldn’t restore relationship with his family and friends. Mother of the deceased still blames Anastasia for what happened.
After surviving so much bullying and harassment Anastasia has invented a sort of defiance mechanism: whatever other people say, she doesn’t let anything inside.
“I cannot cry anymore, no matter how many terrible words they tell me. Sometimes I just want to burst into tears, but I can’t. ”
Now she has support of her close friends.
People often tell her “What reasons to suffer you might have? You’re just 22, you couldn’t have lived through anything horrible”. Which led her to a simple conclusion: “people are cruel” and you cannot take personally anything they tell you.
To help yourself , she recommends to focus on people you love and who care about you, not hide from all the world around you and what’s most important – never give up. And it is important to avoid judging people who we don’t know that close, because an ideal picture might often be hiding a definitely not ideal truth.
"If someone is aggressive and pushing people away, maybe this person just feels a lot of pain inside them. You can't judge without knowing them well'
"And those who have a grouch on entire life can just do to hell"
