Annneli

Anneli survived moderate depressive disorder. 

She was born in a dysfunctional family - poor, asocial, father was always absent.

​

For her family memebers she was alwasy the cause of every problem and a "punchbag"

​

This lead Anneli to unnaturally increased level of aggression as a child. Aggression was the only means of communication on her family so it transferred to her communication with other kids. Anneli generally lacked ability to understand other people nd their emotions as well as understanding one of her own. Anneli says she never had parents in traditional meaning of this word.

​

Until age of 13 Anneli was being saved by childish naive optimism and a dream to become a doctor.

​

At some point she started envying other kids and their families. As Anneli says, family issues started to deescalate only after half of family members died. Only then Anneli’s mother started to understand that daughter is the only one she’s got left. But before it happened, Anneli had to survive a lot of hardships.

​

At age 14 Anneli left her home, friends turned away from her because to them she was a “bad example of behavior”. For a year Anneli was crashing at random acquaintances’ places, everyone would throw her out eventually and she would end up wandering with a plastic bag with her belongings.

At age 15 she had to return home, where she found out  that all of her belongings were already thrown out. He mother came in and told Anneli she’s going to an orphanage. At this moment Anneli realized that she’d got nothing left at all and nothing else is holding her in this world other than dream to become a doctor.

​

Mother couldn’t send Anneli to orphanage since social worker warned her that family will be registered if she does so. She was trying to play good mother’s role and decided to continue hiding  family problems because she was afraid of being judged by others.

Eventually Anneli got anorexia – being 175cm tall her weight was 49 kg. Anneli was broken hearted and left home again. Strangers found her in the street and called ambulance- this is how Anneli ended up in psychiatric unit in a hospital. Anneli says all the personnel, doctors and nurses were very supportive. Mother on the contrary started calling Anneli “Family disgrace”. Doctors were telling the mother that she is the cause: “Is you weren’t ready to give birth to a child and take care about it, to see it grown as an independent personality – then you should have bought a goldfish to play with it.”

Anneli tried to kill herself. The only though she had was "How amazing that this is going to end now"

But she survived.

"You clean it up yourself" - said her mother.