Polina faced dramatic mood changes when she was 15. She could be totally devastated and not able to do anything, even get out of bed, while the next 3 days on the contrary she could be happily running around. Her partner at that time was convincing her that this is her character feature. Her friends and were saying that she’s just “got nothing better to do and being a drama queen” while she was actually suffering. Someone tried to help her, for example a friend would come to distract her and keep from falling into gloomy thoughts, sticking to negative experiences and feelings.

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​“What happened?” - “Nothing ” – this answer would usually cause people saying “you’re just trying to get more attention”. However it was very hard for Polina to explain her feelings at such moments.

 At age 17 she turned to a therapist from private clinic who has known her family before.

Unfortunately the specialist had a very shallow approach which led Polina to a psychiatrist A year later. She was curious whether her mood issues are really a character feature. This specialist sent her back to ordinary therapy.

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New therapist said that only Polina herself can help this cause and if she ever wants to conduct any self harm, then she should simply not do it. This advice wasn’t really helpful. Once Polina found it helping to get isolated on a balcony to avoid self harming actions.

The last psychiatrist wasn’t much of a talker, however offere her a temporary remedy of anti-depressant pills for surviving quarantine time.

Out of 3 therapists none were helpful actually, but at least Polina accepted the existence of the problem and stopped hiding it.

Polina wanted to share her feelings with mother as soon as the problem appeared, but mother only rejected her or simply said that “life is great” and wasn’t ready to hear out her child. As a result Polina decided not to share her concerns. Mother understood her decision, as long as Polina thought this is the right thing to do. Mother also thought that problem will be easily fixed with a couple of consultations. Nowadays when Polina  and her mother agree to met and then Polina faces a depressive phase and cannot go out, her mother tried to insist and force her to go. It only makes things worse, but her mother perceives it as help.